059. Poke

The hardest part about living with four men, Charlie decided, was adjusting to the various states of undress in which men liked to live. Okay, that only really applied to two of the four she lived with, given that Toby was about as conservative as humanly possible and Ignatius was loath to look anything other than well-groomed and immaculately dressed, but walking out on a weekend to find Len and Mike sitting on the couch in nothing but their boxers, watching early morning cartoons and eating breakfast like it's nobody's business was not entirely uncommon. And not even common enough for her to get used to seeing two relatively attractive men just short of nudity without feeling uncomfortable.

Never mind when those two men decided they wanted to pet each other or whatever. Yeah, they totally weren't gay together. Sure.

"Does it ever bother you how not-hairy you are?" Mike asked, innocuous curiosity heavy in his tone as he actually ran a hand over Len's chest. Charlie considered briefly that she was maybe supposed to be jealous of this, but the whole situation was a little too bizarre for jealousy.

"What? No, why would that ever bother me?"

"I don't know," Mike shrugged, "Because you're Scottish and Scottish guys are pretty notoriously hairy. And you're pretty, uh, pretty unhairy."

"…So?" Judging by the look on Len's face, Mike might as well have just grown a second head.

Mike shrugged again. "It's no big deal. I was just wondering if you cared that you were pretty like a girl as opposed to sexy like a man."

"…You like body hair?"

"No, I'm just saying that that's a pretty universal symbol of stereotypical masculine sexiness. And you're the one that cares about these things, you sexist fuck. I'm just trying to speak in terms you'll understand."

"What? I don't see how any of this has to do with my so-called sexism."

"As in, you're very sexist so I was curious to see if it bothered you that you are not exactly the portrait of your typical Man."

"That's because I'm not sexist and no, it doesn't bother me. Body hair is pretty disgusting. And it spreads with age," Len pointed out with a slight shudder.

Mike laughed. "Okay. I'm glad you're so comfortable with being a typically effeminate kind of pretty. Maybe this is a sign of growth."

"Are you saying you think I'm pretty?"

Mike promptly punched him in the arm, which led to Len tackling Mike off the couch and the two of them spending roughly ten minutes duking it out on the living room floor. In nothing but their boxers.

Yeah, totally not gay, Charlie mused, taking a sip from her orange juice.